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18 May 2007 @ 01:14 pm
bonsois LJ

today i am sort of hungover from the cider, but have just eaten large quantities of fish, cheese and potatos from the restaurant (free of charge) so feel much better.

I am currently in the staff room where i have just painted my nails with some nail varnish i was given, as a gift!! lots of nail varnish in fact, and in a lovely little make up case thing. the lovely lady S at work's daughter was going to throw them away, but S said NO! i shall give them to rah. what a lovely gesture. S is my surrogate mum. she sometimes gives me fruit, and plants, and digital cameras. lovely lady that she is.

tonight i go to see the loverly bedingerfields, and look at pictures from their second honeymoon in NYC, and a gift awaits me there too! a souvenir none the less!

what a nifty gifty little day today has turned out to be!

you see how my cider drinking is rewarded????? quite ironic, probably in a non ironic 'ten thousand spoons' or 'a traffic jam' kind of way. i am yet to master the art of irony - i suspect that i might have it down to a fine art, but due to alanis confusing me with her 'ironic' song which isnt ironic in any way, i find myself confused, and relluctant to ever use the word....


i digress...

so yeah, whenever i drown my sorrows in cider - good things come. perhaps this is the devil playing his wicked game with my soul, just to turn me into a complete alcoholic before using me as a vehicle for his future wrong doings....

cider good. work crap. combination of the 2.... well, blurry eyes and bloating. still, makes life more entertaining eh - gotta have something to tell the grandkids!! ho-ho-ho.
14 May 2007 @ 01:21 pm
Eurovvision! woo!

At the weekend, i drank gin, got hit by a range rover, and ate crisps and hummus. a very lovely weekend i must admit!

fri night i went to the cheep ale pub and got slightly squiffled on 3 pints of summer lightening, after being drenched by the horrid downpour of rain. then saturday i with mr M went to halfords to find me a pretty new girly pushbike (the college will buy me a bike as part of the goverments "on yer bike" scheme) so found one, then left to go to tesco to buy dippy things for euro night in. in the car park - a man in his ridiculously oversized vehicle reversed into me! he did not hear my scream and continued to reverse! mr M then shouted at the bloke driving, until i took over. the man then had the cheek to have a go at me. obvioulsy i managed to get him to apologise to me, and made him feel like a tw*t in front of his embarrassed wife.

i have a bruised arm and everything.

(it wasnt as severe as it sounds, but still unnerving, and panic struck me at the prospect of being sandwiched between a 4by4 and another oncoming car!)

the tw*t.

2 weekends in a row i have had to confront men with no respect for a lady, and both have tried to front up to me. I concur, i feel that i - of late, have a certain power over certain types of men. and am growing increasingly more able to confront situations, without the fear of being bashed over the head. my acid tongue and stern tones seem to be sufficient in making them back off, and well, sort of grovel. as they should. you do not wake a lady in the still of the night, and you certainly do not try to run her over with your giant mechanical penis extention.


i am womens lib personified.

so, after then going to the glasshouse with mr m for 2 cheeky pints o cider and a vege burger (to turn the recent disaster into a more pleasant afternoon) i went home via tesco to buy hummus and crisps for eurovision shenois. a small gethering due to my last minute change of plans (or my mothers should i say) so only ladie Hats was present - but she broughteth the gin, with lemons and tonic (a rich mans lemonade) and pizza. I provided goujons, cheesey pastry things, dip, hummous, and crisps. we watched the eurovision, and our favourited were as follows:

1st place - France (funni pink men running in circles)
2nd place - Finland (foxy goth lady)
3rd Place - Bulgaria
4th place - Ukraine (men in tin foil, repeating the number 7 a lot)
5th Place - Serbia (lesbian power ballad , with heart/hand shinnanegans)
6th Place - Moldove (gothis "eeeeeeeeeeee" song)

we adapted a drinking game. for every key change in the whole show, you must drink. but hats being more of a lady than i - suggested we only had a sip at key changes. which i was doing during every bally note anyway!

but it was lubly. we had chanel product/face cleansing. which afterwards i had the face of an angel - well, to touch anyway. was still all blotch etc from the chain smoking and drinking! but lovely all the same.

sunday, i slept again until midday and awoke like a princess that had slept for a thousand years. i wandered around my flat for a bit, and flumped on my sofa with blanky and watched some tv. then i went out to fetch a paper, and to do my weekly recycling - and then came home again and made myself feel sick by eating the leftover crisps and ALL the humous. i do so love it.

for the last week, i have been eating like a bear. and very enjoyable its been too!

so, today i am at work - have just pinched some food from the fish buffet. had barramundi - which i had never had before. twas luch! and some blue cheese mushroom stuff, grilled tuna with pesto, veg and wedges. lovely, lovely!

all around me are stressed today, due to it being the week before the receptionsists go away on work placement, so we have to get their NVQ folders done and dusted. bah.

i was in a lovely, dreamy mood this morning, but as soon as i got here - all my newly rejuvenated strips were torn off...


mwa xxxxxxxxx
10 May 2007 @ 09:28 am
well. excuse the typo's which i'm sure will follow. today i am hungover, but jolly! i had a lovely little party by myself last night, in my lovely flat - but i was joined, via the marvel that is telecommunications by lady bea, mr rout, kate, kat and maybe emma??? caneee remember!


wait for it.

this is the bestest of all things to have ever happened.... well, not ever, but it was a god damn revelation i tell you.

i made noises from my clarinet!!!

you may well laugh at this statement. but i have owned it now for about 3 maybe 4 years, and was convinced that it was broken cos i could not get a peep from it!

i was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo wrong. i had suspected that it may just be my inability to play the clarinet anymore, but was more than willing to accept that the thing was broken!

i feel i ought to tell you, that i rocked at clarinet when i was a nipper. solo's in assembaly,,, solo's at st andrews hall. i was child genius - musically that is.


last night, in a drunken haze... imagine my glee when a high pitched squeeking noise errupted from said clarinet... quite reminiscent of the time in front of an audience when my reed broke and everyone laughed... not cool.


I played said squeeky noises down the phone to my chums, and they shared my enthusiasm.... hahahah! bless, not really - but they did not mock!

anyway. cannot express how chuffed i am that i made noise from MY clarinet!

i sat there at one point, all squiffled from the wine and gazed adoringly at its shiney keys and remembered why i fell in love with the instrument in the first place!!

still. shall not dwell!!!

so! apart from the wind instrumentation i enjoyed phone calls from lady bea while she attended a free gig in london rufus wainright played as i stared dreamily out of my window! and then, calls later..... and then, a call to monsieur rout while he was being carried back to narridge. He was able to assist with my music situation for my party. and confirmed that i am a technical wizz kid of sorts also, in my ipod/mp3 knowledge, despite not even owning such a thing!

Bla bla. boss is on warpath. i have just spreaded butter on my salty bread roll with a fork.. need more coffee.

eeeew... i also smell of fags. oops!

badgers n hiccups xxx

I CAN PLAY MY CLARINET"""!!!!!! nearly....!!!
05 May 2007 @ 03:00 pm

Today i am in extremely overpriced tinternet cafe applying for jobs, but mostly trying to type with this horrid sticky keyboard!

anyway, i feel LJ that i must report last nights/this mornings awful awakening in the vain hope that you tell me i was justified in my actions!

SO.... at about 2.30am this morning, i was awoken with a drunken man fool outside literally thumping the secure door at the bottom of the flats and shouting "DENIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSE.... DENISSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEE, I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU DENISSSSSSSSSSSSSSE"

Twas i impressed? no, startled? yes. i awoke from my lovely comfortable slumber - and i mean lovely. it was reet neeece and warm. and was confused as to what was going on. not wanting to wake properly, i just put it down to my noisy neigbours and thought that was that and attempted to go back to sleep.

lots of murmering, banging, shouting, and intercom (not mine) ringing later the noise did not desist. i started to anger, more and more so. thou shalt never deter a rudd from her sleep - or hell hath no fury and all that.

so, again, more banging later - the swine decided to ring my intercom - this was about 3am. my intercom is no quiet soul i must add. as i could not hear shouting, i gave it the benefit of the doubt and thought it might be some handsome beau coming to ravish me in the night (i was half asleep please remember) but no. twas the nob rotting sodding piss head pleading with me to "let him in, he had forgotten his keys"

i hung up the receiver, and stumbled back to bed.

THEN we get to 3.30 am, and not only is my intercom ringing, but the fucking bastard has got his finger rammed down so it rings constantly!!!!

oooooooooh. he should know better, well, i figure he does now anyway.

i picked up the receiver and bellowed "whottttttt!" again, he told me that he was from number 2 and had forgotten his keys. i have to say, i though that 2 ladies lived at number 2 - not some fuckwit kebab ridden cock weevil fuck.

i felt a little bad, and thought, maybe i should give him the benefit of the doubt (again, remember i am weary and confused) so told him to hang on.

i put an oversised cardy on over my pjs and go out into the bright light of the landing and go to the front door.

and there he is, in all his glory. twat.

he told me that he had forgotten his main door key, and that his flat door was open, which i could see. but i thought - i must challenge this man who i know not..... i dont recognise him, he could be anyone.

i told him - "you dont live here" he looked at me with contempt, i replied "i hardly think you're in any position to have a go at me, you do realise its 3.30am??? or are you that stupid?"

he mumbled yes, yes, and insisted that he lived there. i told him i thought 2 ladies lived there - he said he recently moved in. i asked him if anyone else was in the flat to verify who he was, he said there wasnt but i could check if i wanted.

i didnt want to go in his flat.

then he started to babble incoherrant apologies to me, and the rage came from me - the poor chap stood there with his face flapping backwards in the wind from my rant.

he then, get this, tried to front up to me - oooooh. bad move buddy! i got in his face, got my sternest teacher bellow out and told him to get in his fucking flat and shut the fuck up.

he hesitated a while, i got closer.

he went in.

i went back to bed, wide awake and furious.

the sodding swine.

anyhoo - must dash! lovely speaking to you!

mwa xxxxx
Current Location: internet cafe
Current Mood: crankycranky
Current Music: intercom noise. bah.
27 April 2007 @ 03:38 pm
.......... in a calm, giggly kind of way - oooh, with a few tears chucked in for good measure.

people are mean, working for a living is pants, you will probably never be entirely happy with your own lot, and you will probably die as paranoid, and mental as the day that you first realised that you were paranoid and mental.

frankly mr shankly - life sucks, but what re you gonna do about it? nowt really, nowt much can be done. We need to retrain our brains and start taking pleasure from the simple things in life. y'know: sunshine, blossom, butterflys, snails and all that shit.

i may sound a bit whingey, and i wish i could express via LJ my current mood. it is not that of depression, hurt or just plain grumpy. it is shock i believe, i have had a little bit of a reality check shall we say.

"its not me - its all them others"

anyway, now i have probably depressed my chums - i will briefly tell you of my mission to drink cider of late. i have had a hangover for 2 days in a row, i have been binge drinking with cider in the evenings, last night was a perfect example of my new teenage rampaging cider binge, i have spemnt a lovely evening in the snooker hall, but then i became angry for reasons i cannot be bothered to go into. then i realised its my expectations of people again getting the better of me.

anyway, i drank lots of cider but didnt feel as drunk as i wanted to! so i went home and finished the dregs of some archers thats been there forever, and scraped together a little duvet - within seconds i was swaying about (which was my required state of action) then my eyes started to close themselves and go out of focus, so i thought i'd go to bed.

i layed and watched my bedroom go hurtling past me at several hundred miles an hour, it done this a lot until i got motion sickness and threw up in my teenage wicker bin. i then proceeded to continue this palarva in the bathroom, and then brushed my teeth and went to bed. i slept like a baby AND get this, the last 2 mornings i have gotten up earlier than ever, despite only sleeping in a cider induced coma!!


disgusting behaviour i know, but i know that Amy winehouse would understand, and so therefore it can be no bad thing.

i am feeling strange, delusional and spacey and i just want more beer!


i go home now, perhaps i need a lie down.

but not before i go to give away all of my money to the ocean colour scene dream where i will be hosting my very own party!


Current Location: where do you think?
Current Music: only the bells of doom that play in my broken heart
24 April 2007 @ 01:18 pm
i hate them all.
Current Location: work
Current Mood: complacentcomplacent
23 April 2007 @ 01:34 pm
Greetings dear LJ,

well, what a lubly little weekend i had!! although i am tired, a bit hungover and skint - but it was worth it!

Friday night after work, boo came over for a little sleep over. we wore pj's, gossiped and drank cider (me so more than boo!!) and fell asleep in front of the wicker man!


then saturday unk came over and we all finished watching the Labyrinth. ghod, david bowie is soooooo dreamy in that film, and my oh my, i blushed at the close ups of his scantily clad nether regions! phew!!

after they both left i pottered around my flat which i am sooo in love with again and watched a coule of films and went to bed, until M came over after his london trip - where, may i add, he saw russell ferkin brand in camden with his hair in some kind of bun and a red pencil sticking out of it! bless!

M and i pottered around the city the next day, doing boring necessary grown up things, gah, and then around 4pm we went to the house of boo and synthe for a little patio gathering as the weather was so nice! so we spent all evening with the married lovelies, and then the 2 new lovebirds came over for a bit! we drank pink fizzy stuff, all the cider and ate a lovely little buffet that synthe made. very, very lovely!

M and i then left at around 11pm and nipped to the artichoke for 1 more beer, then went home - straight to bed! soo tired!

woke up this morning a bit grumpy and tired, but no more than normal for a monday morning. but then my day got off to a really bad start. i left my packed lunch at home, missed my bus, and then when another turned up he didnt stop - but made me get on while he was still driving, as a result i sprained my ankle. i didnt have any money to buy any food and i was blurry famished! work today is manic, but i got food and cheered up. i am still v tired, but not hungry and therefore not so evil!

so yeah, another brill weekend, the sun is shining and all that jazz.

i bid thee farewell, and a very good day sir!!

20 April 2007 @ 01:18 pm
its time the tale was told....

of my londinium times!

on missbeas birthday, she came back to narrige (stop me if you think that you've heard this one before) ((as in, sorry if i have already written about this!!)) and we had a little babycham - a special treat i had bought for the journey back to london, but we had it early - so as to avoid the rigmarole of drinking on the national express! eh-hem!

we had a little duvet too, and set off on our merry way!

we snoozed ont bus, and awoke in london where the moon (actually the sun) was burning bright orange!! how delightful!

we then went to kates lovely house for a birthday tea, after we got to beas to discover slasher had decked the halls with pink baloons and glittery birthday messages! we had lovely tea and scones, with a few beers and watched evil dead 2. brilliant!

the next day, bea and i wandered around leytonstone and visited the dianna cafe, had a lovely breakfast. we then tried hats on in a boutique but had to leave abbruptly once i have broken one of the feathery numbers.... the woman in the shop looked too scary to admit to it, i reckon she had weaponry behind the counter! we had a cheeky little cider in the pub before going back for more duvet and floor rolling.

Lady kat then came in the evening, and we just chilled in preperation for the feeling gloomy glamfest arranged for the next evening! woo!

what can i say, i have fond memories of all of saturday. unk sinth and his beautiful wife came at midday with friend and his new girlf, we all went to the pub and again had a cheeky beer in the beer garden, while the sun blistered down upon our heads (and burned my scalp..) but it was lush. sleepy ambling around with lovely lovely people!

we were all clearly exited when the time came to start getting ready, as chaotic as it was we all managed to fight over mirrors/bathrooms/concealers to get ourselves ready and start drinking.

miss be and i stayed with our babycham adoration, drinking it out of little bottles with straws, like it was mini moet - a la paris hilton.

babycham - a poor mans crystal

so, fast forward a little and all had gathered at beas, and we were all chirping away like little glam chirpy things, i must say i was impressed at not getting too drunk at missbeas house considering loomy runs until around 4am! so i pat myself on the back for not recreating face grindage around the gloomy fest, and not throwing my arms around one of the organisers... i still dont remember that....

i did say hello to one of the organisers - but only cos he asked me to i might add!!

so, we spent about 5 hours danding the night away to a brilliant array of songs, 1 in particular is by 'my life story - you dont sparkle (i think)' which is a great song!!!!

we then got a lovely taxi home, after i had poisened myself with chips that i had tipped ALL of the salt on, so much so, that before each chip i had to wipe it with my napkin. this is exactly why i do not buy chips!!!

so, we get back to beas - i was whankered obv, we proceeded to drink more fizzy stuff with unk, he then done the sensible thing and went to bed, probably after the 15th rendidtion of 'back to black by amy winehouse' but not before i passionately rejoiced at hearing asphalt workd by suede, which, you had to be there - but my speach impediment superceeded me again!

picture the scene, missbeas eye (only 1) had automatically closed, as it does when she is properly pished, and i sat beside her and unk talking in slomo - and making new sounds where vowels should normally be placed....


this provided us with much giggling right into the next day until everyone left for norwich.

it was quite upsetting when everyone went, i did not have to leave until the next afternoon which was cool, and it enabled me to continue drinking babycham with a straw at a steady pace right throughout the day!

i came home monday arvo, managed to blag that day off work somehow! and got home, all super oprganised - i unpacked, done my washing and prepared for my return to work the next day. which i must point out, was absolute hell.

i have to sign off now as lunch is nearly over and billy moonowner rudd needs a cigerette!

i am particularly exited as toneeet mrs unk comes for pj sleepover - this is becomming a regular thing, and i like it. It supports my descent into teenage hell (nowt hellish about it act, i get to listen to suede, the smiths and carter and not be ashamed!! ya-ha-ha!!)

ttfn, all the love xxx
Current Location: work
Current Mood: glee
Current Music: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
11 April 2007 @ 11:17 am
oh yes, i must add that i am also co-owner of some land on the moon, which i believe to be a sound investment from years gone by.

there was a documentary on last night about it, which just proved the authenticity of my moon.

NASA can land on it (of course they can, they can do whatever the hell they like), as can the russions, but no one can build on it, or drill for minerals etc.

so, it just looks like we have to sit back and wait for moon estate to properly kick off before we can share our millions with our generations to follow!!

hehehe! people tell me that i have bonkers ideas - but i know that they are wrong.

i am a genius for buying moon!!!


Current Location: work
Current Mood: aggravatedILL
Current Music: starman - bowie
11 April 2007 @ 10:42 am
Morning all,

Well, well, well, what a spectacular few days it has been!!

firstly, lady bea got to mine at 12.30 as anticipated, and i was waiting, all drunk on wine after having to spend a long time on the phone to my poor mother, i shall not divulge, but seficed to say that she's orf her rocker at present. but it is her birthday coming up so this doesnt suprise me greatly.

so bea and i stayed up for a short while with mr g, and went to bed. Friday was spent laying around, eating things etc.... truth is i cant quite remember what we done on friday!

i lied - i do remember, we did sit around for ages, then kat came round and late at night we all decided to go to the pub - whic resulted in us getting quite squiffy on 1 pint of cider, getting angry at leary men in small pubs and staring at pretty men in the playhouse! kat went home, and bea and i looked around for 1 more half of cider, which we got from the artichoke, then went home!

Saturday is when Kate came from london, she came at 1pm ish while bea was out getting her hair cut, and other props etc for the gangster party. we all sat around some more, i cooked some dinner (healthy stuff, obviously!!) and then we commenced the getting ready for ganster party!!

kate and bea got ready and looked super cool as widow gangster ladies - complete with torturous tales of how their connected husbands met their untimely deaths!

i dressed as a man...

kat then came over, also dressed as a grieving widow, we all had a sneaky bevvy and got in our cab to the party.

i felt like a tit in all honesty. i was the only properly crossdressing gangster. which was the point! i didnt want anyone else to dress like me! but i think i wouldve felt better if someone did!

so i decided, just as i got into the taxi that i was going to get bladdered... like there was ever any doubt!

so, inside the venue was lovely, everyone looked great. there was gambling, dancing, food, vomit, 19yr olds, bon jovi, heels, fraternising and lots more! twas great!

i drank gin for the greater proportion of the evening, gambled a little and won some money (not real money), i spoke to some very handsome men, 1 in particular but i am a lady so shall not gossip on LJ.

i ended up in delaneys with said handsome men, and some very raucious random drunk men, who were vile (not part of the gangsterness) where i had 2 pints o cider, none of which were bought by me. i have alovely conflab about motorcycles, amongst other things - and then we got a cab to the afterparty at routland. i was blotto, and everyone had been there for a while. including bea who had taken my keys and been to my flat in the time it took me to make it to the afterparty!!

i then proceeded to the patio where i spent most of the evening sat on a very cold floor, having my feet rubbed by one chap (poor man) and oggling another! ooops!

i was particularly on form, and once i had oficially adopted my persona of 'Billy Rudd, the pacafistic gangster' i relaxed a lot, and behaved like a man oughta!!


but exitingly, i gained a telephone number, which i used for personal gain and am now having a text chat with the handomest man ever!!


anyway, i am at work, am pissed off cos i still have flu remnants, and peolpe arent being psychic enough for my liking, they are speaking to me and demanding things from me. i want to tell them all that i am ill and i dont give a flying furk!

still, its nice to feel wanted!!

ciao bambino's xxx
Current Location: work
Current Mood: angryill
Current Music: tinitus